P is for Parenting

Back in the day, I used to enjoy psychological tests.  Not the big, serious ones like the MMPI (which makes you feel weird just taking it, in my opinion).  But the more general, personality type of tests.  I remember taking tests based on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator.  I recall finding out that I am pretty much an off the charts Introvert.  Not a surprise, if you happen to know me.  I also learned that I was a very strong “J.”  The J stands for judging, and is set in contrast to the P for perceiving.  One of the things I read is that J’s (like me) like to tie up loose ends and “have matters settled,” in the words of Myers.  P’s are more open to ambiguity, I guess, more tolerant of things being up in the air and untidy, unfinished.

 

Yeah, I’m definitely a J.  People chuckle when they look at my planner book, because I cross things off with a vengeance.  That’s such a great sense of satisfaction – getting to the end of the day and knowing that you’ve accomplished something meaningful.  Getting to watch an hour or so of TV at the end of the day, knowing that I’ve worked hard and been productive all day, is a great feeling for me.  I like for things to be done, crossed off the list, accomplished, finished.  I’m a J.

 

But I recently realized something.  One of the challenges I’ve encountered in my two years of parenting experience is that it’s not really a J-oriented activity.  Parenting Davey Will never gets crossed off my list.  Raising my son is never, ever, really “done.”  When I became a parent, I signed up for the perpetually unfinished task.  That’s the kind of things P’s are into, not J’s.  P is for parenting, I guess.

 

There’s no question that I find parenting Davey Will immensely satisfying.  But I am going to have to redefine my “job satisfaction” in this case.  I’m never going to have the satisfaction from saying, “Mission accomplished,” because there will always be more parenting work to do.  Parental satisfaction has to be more organic, more characterized by the quality of my relationship to him and the kind of person he’s becoming than by a set of tasks that can be crossed off as “completed with excellence.”  This will be a journey for this committed J, but it’s one I’m looking forward to making.

 

This isn’t any great revelation for experienced parents, I know. But I’m new at this.