Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Fences and neighbors

Growing up, I remember hearing the phrase “good fences make good neighbors.”  The phrase is actually quoted in the poem “Mending Wall” by Robert Frost, but the origins evidently are even earlier.

 

Hmm…good fences make good neighbors.  As I understand the phrase, it suggests that getting along well with your neighbors requires a clear demarcation of “my space” vs. “your space.”  Respecting each other’s boundaries, each other’s “personal space,” is essential for good relationships.

 

My Cambodian mother-in-law has said something using similar terms. 

 

Sometimes, when we’re tempted to get frustrated with our neighbors, she will say, “remember, neighbors are your fences.”  Wait a second, that’s different.  She’s suggesting that “good neighbors make good fences”!  What she’s implying is that the function of a good fence – protection and safety – can be provided by good neighbors.  If you have a good relationship with your neighbors, they’ll keep an eye on things for you.  You want to have good relationships with your neighbors, so they serve as your fence.

 

That strikes me as illustrating a key cultural difference between an American mindset and a Cambodian mindset.  The American mindset says, “respect my personal space and we’ll get along fine,” while the Cambodian mindset suggests, “let’s make sure we get along and I won’t have to worry so much about my personal space.”

 

Reading the wistful tone in Frost’s poem, I suspect he would have preferred the Cambodian approach.

 

 

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